Preparing Your Child for the Road, Not the Road for Your Child

Not too long ago I read an article on Facebook (my main news source, very reliable I know!) that really stuck with me.  It was called "Preparing Your Child for the Road, Not the Road for Your Child".  I think it is a book too, but just reading the synopsis was good enough for me.  It's all about letting your kids experience the real world and not over protecting them from it.  It specifically mentioned how 20 somethings are struggling and suffering from major depression because they don't know how to accept the things that the real world are throwing at them and mom and dad aren't there making it all better for them...or in some cases paving the road so smooth to the point that they never encounter any bumps at all.

We recently had the opportunity to apply this advice.  Our seven year old daughter has started swimming competitively and has done pretty well with it.  She qualified to swim at the district meet in individual events but was also picked to swim on a relay team.  She was asked to join this relay team at the state meet in a few weeks.  She was over the moon excited, once she really understood what it meant to be swimming at a state level.  We hadn't previously mentioned it to her because we didn't think it would happen, but when it did we were excited for her too!  Less than 48 hours later I received an email from one of the coaches stating that there was another girl with faster times and that Elizabeth didn't have a spot on the state relay team.  (Wind knocked out of sails)  They offered her an alternate position and she could continue to practice for the next few weeks, get the championship cap and t-shirt, but wouldn't go to the meet.  Or she offered for her take another girl's spot on the team.  We didn't feel right doing this because we understood that they were trying to form the fastest team and if our daughter didn't have the time it certainly wasn't fair to take that away from a  teammate who had worked just as hard, but just happened to be faster!  After a lot of discussion we concluded that she would just be done.  It was becoming obvious that it was going to be difficult for her to practice with a happy heart and the consolation prize of a cap and t-shirt wasn't making her feel any better.

Yes it is a shame that the state carrot was dangled in front of her and then taken away.  We know that this was not done intentionally and this is life.  I think we officially entered the "not every kid gets a trophy" phase of sports.  She often points out that score is not being kept in sports that she and her brother participate in and it frustrates her.  I had to look at her and say, "guess what big girl, they are keeping score this time and you lost".  This doesn't mean you aren't a good swimmer, it doesn't mean you didn't work hard, it doesn't mean you give up.  If anything let it fire you up to work even harder and keep trying.  You are seven years old!  It is going to be ok!  But don't we all hate it when people tell us "it's going to be ok" when inside we just want to feel sorry ourselves and shout "maybe, but right now it isn't ok!"  I tried really hard to let her have her feelings but at the end of the day you are responsible for you.  We told her it was ok to be mad (we were a little mad too!) but no one meant for this to happen and welcome to life lessons!  Life lessons suck, but here's the thing, they build character.  I specifically remember yelling at my parent's "I have enough character!" but there are always life lessons waiting for all of us.

So she starts this week with a little more character on the bumpy road of real life.  And even though she went to bed crying and woke up the next day saying "I just can't get over it" we all know that she will .  Buckle up sweetheart, this won't be the last time you loose.  As her parent's we promise to help her learn how to cope with life's bumps and not smooth the road for her.  But for now I hope Facebook keeps inspiring all of  these great parenting tips ;)