The most important job...

Being a mom is the best job in the world, but let's face it, it's hard.  You essentially handed this helpless infant and asked to mold him/her into a well-adjusted, happily, contributing member of society.  I guess it's kind of like being handed some clay, and after a long period of time, expecting it to turn into a beautiful piece of art.  I stumbled across this quote last week and it really resinated with me...

And even on the hard days, it is important to remember that what we do is important!!

Preparing Your Child for the Road, Not the Road for Your Child

Not too long ago I read an article on Facebook (my main news source, very reliable I know!) that really stuck with me.  It was called "Preparing Your Child for the Road, Not the Road for Your Child".  I think it is a book too, but just reading the synopsis was good enough for me.  It's all about letting your kids experience the real world and not over protecting them from it.  It specifically mentioned how 20 somethings are struggling and suffering from major depression because they don't know how to accept the things that the real world are throwing at them and mom and dad aren't there making it all better for them...or in some cases paving the road so smooth to the point that they never encounter any bumps at all.

We recently had the opportunity to apply this advice.  Our seven year old daughter has started swimming competitively and has done pretty well with it.  She qualified to swim at the district meet in individual events but was also picked to swim on a relay team.  She was asked to join this relay team at the state meet in a few weeks.  She was over the moon excited, once she really understood what it meant to be swimming at a state level.  We hadn't previously mentioned it to her because we didn't think it would happen, but when it did we were excited for her too!  Less than 48 hours later I received an email from one of the coaches stating that there was another girl with faster times and that Elizabeth didn't have a spot on the state relay team.  (Wind knocked out of sails)  They offered her an alternate position and she could continue to practice for the next few weeks, get the championship cap and t-shirt, but wouldn't go to the meet.  Or she offered for her take another girl's spot on the team.  We didn't feel right doing this because we understood that they were trying to form the fastest team and if our daughter didn't have the time it certainly wasn't fair to take that away from a  teammate who had worked just as hard, but just happened to be faster!  After a lot of discussion we concluded that she would just be done.  It was becoming obvious that it was going to be difficult for her to practice with a happy heart and the consolation prize of a cap and t-shirt wasn't making her feel any better.

Yes it is a shame that the state carrot was dangled in front of her and then taken away.  We know that this was not done intentionally and this is life.  I think we officially entered the "not every kid gets a trophy" phase of sports.  She often points out that score is not being kept in sports that she and her brother participate in and it frustrates her.  I had to look at her and say, "guess what big girl, they are keeping score this time and you lost".  This doesn't mean you aren't a good swimmer, it doesn't mean you didn't work hard, it doesn't mean you give up.  If anything let it fire you up to work even harder and keep trying.  You are seven years old!  It is going to be ok!  But don't we all hate it when people tell us "it's going to be ok" when inside we just want to feel sorry ourselves and shout "maybe, but right now it isn't ok!"  I tried really hard to let her have her feelings but at the end of the day you are responsible for you.  We told her it was ok to be mad (we were a little mad too!) but no one meant for this to happen and welcome to life lessons!  Life lessons suck, but here's the thing, they build character.  I specifically remember yelling at my parent's "I have enough character!" but there are always life lessons waiting for all of us.

So she starts this week with a little more character on the bumpy road of real life.  And even though she went to bed crying and woke up the next day saying "I just can't get over it" we all know that she will .  Buckle up sweetheart, this won't be the last time you loose.  As her parent's we promise to help her learn how to cope with life's bumps and not smooth the road for her.  But for now I hope Facebook keeps inspiring all of  these great parenting tips ;)

Let's Talk about Heaven

One of the things that I love most about being a mom is experiencing the world through my children. They say the funniest, craziest, sweetest, and thought-provoking things all in one day.  These past few years have obviously been difficult for our family.  Losing both of my parents in such a short amount of time, has forever changed me.  I thought for sure my parents would be a large part of my children's lives.  I struggled for a long time with the idea that my kids were robbed from truly having a relationship with two of the most amazing people I have ever known.  But after I had myself a small pity-party, I knew it was up to me to keep their memory alive.

Although both Stella and Briggs were upset and sad about dad's death, it was Briggs who really struggled with it.  I don't know if it was his age, or that Stella was old enough to remember Mimi passing and Briggs was so little, or if Briggs's bond with dad had grown so strong because of the extra time they were able to spend together after Mimi's passing.  But Briggs couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that Papa wasn't coming back (although I think it took awhile for all of us).  During this time we talked about Heaven a lot.  What was Heaven?  Who was in Heaven?  Why we go to Heaven?  Briggs actually associates Heaven with the clouds in the sky, and almost every time it is cloudy, he will ask if that's where Mimi and Papa's house is :-)

Last week while at Little Lambs (think Sunday School for Catholic preschoolers, but on Wednesday mornings), Miss Jane was talking about praying and Heaven.  When she asked the group of children who was in Heaven helping to watch over them, Briggs's hand immediately shot in the air.  When she called on him, he confidently answered "my Mimi and Papa."  Although it was not the answer that Miss Jane was looking for, it was a little reminder to me that although Mimi and Papa are not physically with my children here on Earth, they will always be alive in their hearts.  

Chicken

The Struggle is Real

Yes, even with a rice cooker!  I know, how hard can it be?!  I am telling you, hard.  The struggle is real.  Luckily most of the rice on top tastes OK. We just don't dip down and scrape the bottom when serving!

In other kitchen adventures...as part of my wild hair to eat real food I purchased natural peanut butter.  Of course I got it from Costco.  Of course it was two jars packaged together. And of course those jars were huge. The children now refer to this as the "soupy peanut butter".  AKA if you give me that I am going to revolt.  I gave the unopened jar to our local food pantry, but came across the opened one while cleaning cabinets the other day.  (Yes I do occasionally clean my cabinets!) I decided to try to make peanut butter cookies with the natural soupy stuff.  I pulled out my recipe and it called for crisco, which I don't have anymore because of my real food deal.  I quickly google "can I substitute coconut oil for crisco?" and the first hit said "YES! Absolutely do this!"  I start mixing the batter like I normally would...creaming the coconut and copious amount of brown sugar, just like I was using butter.  I turned away for a few minutes and come back to find that it is not fluffy and creamy looking, but wet and also separating.  I was a food science major, have I mentioned this before? I quickly move my 5 year old helper out of the way so I can quickly combine the rest of the ingredients and get it to bind together.  It still didn't look normal, but then again I wasn't exactly using normal ingredients for this classic recipe.  Maybe I was pushing one substitution too many? But the ultimate test is the taste of the raw batter.  Batter is my weakness.  I don't know how I have never contracted salmonella. To my surprise the batter tasted really good.  We rolled the dough balls in copious amounts of white sugar, because sugar is my only saving grace in this recipe! We baked them and my son said they were the best peanut butter cookies he had ever had.  Rice fail, cookie success.  You win some, you lose some right?! 

Rice

What is it with toothpaste?

As a follow up to Chicken's daughter's toothpaste meltdown...My son and her daughter are kindred spirits and will often act out in the exact same ways.  I kid you not, we had the exact same toothpaste issue yesterday morning.  Lots of spitting and crying "I don't like this flavor toothpaste!"  All referring to a tube of toothpaste that is 2/3's of the way gone!   Yes, you might say they both fall into that "strong willed child" category.  We are relying on the fact that they know their own mind and will speak it and that someday that will make it easier for them to "just say no" to drugs and hopefully a few other things too :)  Rice

Motivation

I am constantly amazed at what motivates children.  If you go potty I will give you a sticker! Really? What does a sticker even do...it doesn't move (ok unless it has googly eyes), it doesn't provide entertainment, it doesn't talk, maybe it smells (if you are really lucky) and maybe it is shiny or hologram-ey (you know what I mean), but really why are stickers fun? Food, now that is a motivator. Wash your hands and you can have a chocolate chip.  Do you know the things my kids would do for ONE smartie?! But we aren't supposed to reward our children with food, that's not good parenting and will surely lead to our children comfort eating and morbid obesity.  So let's just make a chart, maybe we will use fun stickers, maybe just good old fashioned metallic stars, or maybe just a hand drawn start, or even worse just a check mark.

Here lies my faults...I can't ever stick to one plan.  My husband will fully support whatever plan we are on, but it is hard to keep up.  At one point it was chore sticks.  Misbehave, draw a stick and do the punishment on the stick.  That lasted for a while and is still a personal favorite, but then this thing in the back of my head said "that is negative parenting...be a positive parent".  Now we are onto Kindness Coins (aka poker chips).  The idea being that are easy to earn and you get them for being kind and doing what you are suppose to do (you know like brush your teeth without being asked more than once!).  And once the kids earned them they couldn't be taken away - unless the word stupid was used of our son made a gun with his fingers (referred to as the finger gun).  Those are nonnegotiables for me.  The coins can then be redeemed for TV time, iPad time, a bubble bath, a movie night, etc...  Again that was going ok, but I was riding myself nagging our daughter to do her daily chores.  No one likes a nag, I get that it, but what is a mom to do?!  The kids get so frustrated when I yell.  This is my response "if you did what I asked you to do that first time I wouldn't have to yell" or I start taking in a real sweet voice and say "if you did it the first time I asked this nicely" (then start really making a scene and yelling) "I wouldn't have to YELL!!!!"  I can ask them to do something five times and then finally yell and they say "why are you yelling at me?"  Why do kids do this? I know I am not in this boat alone.  Do all the little sperm get together and plot against us really far in advance and make vicious plans like this to drive us crazy?!

My idea to try to nag less...I created a checklist.  My daughter's has words, my son's has pictures and it is divided into two parts, things to do before school and things to do before bed.  This way they know what is expected of them everyday without me having to repeat myself constantly and they can bring me the checklist and get coins for each checkmark.

Here is the real truth, all of this Pinterst-ey ideas are great ideas, but they take time and energy and some days my tank is just low.  The days that I come up with these schemes to get perfectly behaved children I obviously have a full tank.  Two weeks into these shenanigans I need a refill, or what really happens is that we run out of stickers, or I forget to print off more checklists, or I just turn the TV on because I need a break and don't ask for coins, etc....and the wheels fall off and the next time we have a behavior issue I scheme a new plan/chart/system and the vicious cycle starts all over again!

Then I think back to how we were raised.  By we, I mean myself, my husband, my brother, my sister-in-law.  I don't ever remember charts, or coins or stickers.  We just did what we were supposed to do because I think we were afraid not to.  I never wanted to disappoint my parents.  I still don't want to disappoint my parents.  If we could just get our kids to understand that and know that they would end up to be self sufficient good citizens in our society maybe I wouldn't be so tired.  I never knew parenting was so exhausting. Or do I just make it that way? And at the end of the day we have good kids, they don't have major behavioral issues (ok please don't judge that my son contemplated stealing the smelly bunny from Wal-Mart - cross reference 2littlechiefs.blogspot.com entry "Things that happen at Wal-Mart").

Ok, now I have to go make dinner and prepare for my dog's practice graduation...that's' another story, for another day. Rice

Being 6 in Hard

Goals...

Are you the type of person who likes to set goals?  Are you motivated by goals or do you get discouraged easily when you fall short?  Everyone's perception of setting goals is different.  My husband and I were having a conversation about a month ago about what our goals were for that particular week?  In our discussion, I realized that most of my goals were really my daily "to do" list of things I wanted to get accomplished.  "My goal for today is to organize the kid's closets and update our picture book."  Or "My goal for today is to get the laundry done, dinner on the table, and the basement cleaned."  since then, I have really tried to focus on what my goals in life are.  Essentially, my first goal is to be a good mom, wife and friend.  My second goal is to be more positive and focus on the "happiness" in life.

So, how does this have anything to do with being 6?  Well, part of my "being a good mom" goal, is to actually have an ENTIRE day neither of my kids crying.  That should be easy, right?  It is NOT!!  I am trying to stay positive here, but seriously it has never happened?

Let's take this morning for instance, in a one hour period, these were the events that made my daughter cry.  And mind you these were not fake cries, these were full on, my life is over, I can't go on tears.

1)  It was time to brush her teeth, and all of a sudden she no longer liked the toothpaste that we have in the drawer.  The same toothpaste she has happily used, twice a day for the last 6 months.  Life Ending.

2)  Once she finally calmed down and we were able to brush her teeth, I was checking to see if she had any new teeth coming in... she does not.  This turned into the life ending tragedy of being one o the few kids in kindergarten who has not lost a tooth.  She is NEEEVVVEEERRR going to loose a tooth.

3)  After breakfast, she was asked to put her shoes by the front door, at which point she asked which shoes I wanted her to wear.  I told her that it was up to her and she could pick whatever shoes she wanted.  This immediately sent her into tears, when I asked her why she was crying, her response, "Because I really don't want to wear any shoes today."  Huh???

4) And finally my personal favorite, as it was time to leave to catch the bus, I asked her to put her blanket back in her room.  Again, for the fourth time we had tears.  Why, you ask??  Because she didn't want her blanket to have to spend the day alone in her room.  The blanket gets lonely, it can't be left alone?  I mean, she has seen Toy Story, obviously the blanket has its own set of friends.

Throughout this, I really tried to still work towards by main goal of simply being a good mom.  I tried to remain patient and supportive, but seriously, how do you not laugh?  I mean really?

So with this, am I just setting myself up for failure?  How can I work towards a goal when things like lonely blankets and shoes make it seem so far away?  If life is this hard at six, I can't wait to see what life is like at sixteen.